Practicing Karate is like riding a roller coaster; some days leave me feeling sky high on adrenaline because I'm doing so darned great, and others I can't wait to get the hell out of there and forget the experience ever happened. Tonight was one of those nights.
The main difference is that when I come barreling towards earth on a roller coaster, I'm usually waving my hands in the air, screaming with reckless abandon. My emotional plummets in Karate - not so much.
I was feeling OK about our Bunkai tonight, until we had to perform in front of the class - then one wrong move and it all went down hill (a very steep hill). Yes, I KNOW I messed up, and I was frustrated enough with myself that it certainly didn't help when my Senseis pointed it out for the class to see - I understand, it's a learning moment for everyone. I usually don't mind being the centre of attention, but this was not one of those times. Enough already, I know I sucked!
I guess I need to keep reminding myself that I am there to learn. I am fortunate to have the ability to practice a sport I love, and the ups will come with downs. I just have to understand - I mean really understand - that I'm not going to be perfect - oooh, I can feel my eyes welling up...I repeat, I am not going to be perfect. That is one of my biggest challenges on this journey.
Deep breath.
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