Four.

Four more days until my grading.

Yesterday Sensei and Sempai set up a mock test and took me through the list of grading requirements in succession, without breaks. Let me tell you, my lungs felt like they were the size of walnuts (without the shell). It was all I could do to fill my lungs with air, and even then it was very uncomfortable and I felt like gasping.

I’ve been training four days a week, and admittedly it isn’t a real cardio buster. So on my off-days I have been going to the Y for spinning classes a few times a week, as well as skipping at home and sometimes for a while before class. It would seem that my efforts have failed me – which is concerning.

Now I’m no longer worried about forgetting kata, drawing blanks, or messing up my basics and bunkai, I’m worried that I will pass out!

Just when I was starting to feel like I was actually ready...

Two weeks and counting...

Well, I guess the countdown is really on now. Two weeks until my Shodan grading – how time flies. When I break it down, it would seem I don’t really have a lot of training time left to polish everything up. Part of me is eager to just get the night over with, and the other part wishes time would slow down. I hate tests.

2 weeks = 7 classes
7 classes = 11.5 hours (or more if I stay as late as I have been after class these days)

Overall I feel like I am ready. I know my basics, I know my kata, and bunkai is coming along nicely. The trick for me will be to keep my mental and physical focus in check during the test.

Mentally:

• Don’t let anyone ‘yipping’ at me get under my skin
• Be determined, not frustrated
• Stay in the moment during bunkai

Physically:

• Slow down and focus on the rhythm of the kata
• Take my time, don’t rush through everything
• Breathe

Hangetsu Update:
I'm happy to say I have finally made peace with this Kata. It is still not my favourite, but I’ve learned to co-exist with it.

These are my bruises.

When training Bunkai, whether attacking or defending, necessarily one will end up with bruises. I’ve been on three Bunkai teams over the last few years and each time my forearms and wrists tell the same story – endless hours of training and dedication to be part of someone else’s success. They look terrible, hurt, and I sometimes have to explain that “No, my husband is not abusive... really he’s not!” They’ve always been the worst part of the Bunkai experience for me.

Now that I am training for my black belt, and my Bunkai partner and I routinely exchange blocks and punches, the bruises are coming back. Yes they hurt, a lot, but they’re different this time; they no longer belong to someone else, this time they belong to me. I don’t look at them and cringe anymore; I look at them with pride! I’m earning every one of these bruises and with each one I know I’m one step closer to achieving my Shodan. This time it is for me and it feels good – figuratively speaking.

Self Preservation.

One of the things I find myself really trying to work on these days is my back stance. With so many other things to focus on, some will naturally fall to the side and this is unfortunately one of them. I'm now wishing I had made it more of a priority earlier in my training, since I'm finding it hard to get it just right.

One tip that has helped me fall into a better back stance is to think of if as Self Preservation. If I'm in a front stance and someone is attacking with a straight jab I'll most certainly eat the punch, but I simply need to shift into a back stance and suddenly... I'm out of range. I don't have to lean away, or physically relocate myself, just shift my stance. Brilliant!

Weight: Back 70%, Front 30%.
Knees: Don't let them fall in.
Posture: Don't lean.
There you have it.

Stick it, don't flick it!

I remember in elementary school our teacher used to make us write lines if we had done something wrong. I guess this was to get it into our little heads that what we had done should not be repeated. I think this technique must have worked for me, because I don't remember writing too many lines.

I tend to execute my Ushiro Geri too quickly and not finish the full technique before returning the kick. I've been told this a number of times but for some reason I still focus too much on the spinning technique and less on the kick itself - and as a result, I flick it when I should instead stick it.
So, hopefully this will get it into my head...

I will stick my Ushiro Geri.  I will stick my Ushiro Geri.  I will stick my Ushiro Geri.   I will stick my Ushiro Geri.
I will stick my Ushiro Geri.  I will stick my Ushiro Geri.  I will stick my Ushiro Geri.   I will stick my Ushiro Geri.
I will stick my Ushiro Geri.  I will stick my Ushiro Geri.  I will stick my Ushiro Geri.   I will stick my Ushiro Geri.
I will stick my Ushiro Geri.  I will stick my Ushiro Geri.  I will stick my Ushiro Geri.   I will stick my Ushiro Geri.
I will stick my Ushiro Geri.  I will stick my Ushiro Geri.  I will stick my Ushiro Geri.   I will stick my Ushiro Geri.
I will stick my Ushiro Geri.  I will stick my Ushiro Geri.  I will stick my Ushiro Geri.   I will stick my Ushiro Geri.
I will stick my Ushiro Geri.  I will stick my Ushiro Geri.  I will stick my Ushiro Geri.   I will stick my Ushiro Geri.
I will stick my Ushiro Geri.  I will stick my Ushiro Geri.  I will stick my Ushiro Geri.   I will stick my Ushiro Geri.
I will stick my Ushiro Geri.  I will stick my Ushiro Geri.  I will stick my Ushiro Geri.   I will stick my Ushiro Geri.
I will stick my Ushiro Geri.  I will stick my Ushiro Geri.  I will stick my Ushiro Geri.   I will stick my Ushiro Geri.
I will stick my Ushiro Geri.  I will stick my Ushiro Geri.  I will stick my Ushiro Geri.   I will stick my Ushiro Geri.

That ought to do it.
Crossing fingers.

How low can you go?

Over the last couple of months, with the help of my Sensei, I've been working hard to improve my overall form, training four days a week and staying overtime to get every everything I can out of the time left before my grading. In my opinion it has been going really well, and all of this hard work has really helped build my confidence.

Then I went to class last night and my confidence loudly crashed to the floor, rolled away and has found itself an incredibly good hiding place.
How did this happen?
My 'Other' Sensei took the Brown belts through the Shodan grading, and pulled up a chair right in front of me to monitor my preparedness. This didn't bother me at all - after all, I was feeling confident!
We went through most of the test at a decent pace, repeating things here and there. Once it was done, he shared with me his list of comments. Not a long list, but he has a way talking down to you that can suck the confidence and joy right out of you - it's a personality thing - which I don't respond well to.

Summary:

• My front stances are too narrow, I need to fix this before my test - this includes in all basics and Kata. So really, not a big deal (sarcasm dripping from that last statement)
• Watch final hand position in Jion - don't leave thumb out
• Something about Tekki Nidan made him want to vomit, but I'm not exactly sure what
• My Mawashi Geri needs work. I tend to bring my knee straight up in front of me to start the kick instead of around the outside as it should be. This is how I was taught for many, many years, and has been difficult for me to change
• I haven't memorized the grading requirement list in its exact order - apparently, shame on me and I better get it down before grading night. I guess this somehow this affects my skill level, or perhaps it will be a self guided test? Memorizing this list, isn't on the list... so I'm confused.
• I over-think everything. This I already knew, it is who I am. I've been doing this for 30+ (no need to reveal the + here) years. It is who I am, and I'm afraid this isn't going to change come Feb 24.

I already know I don't respond well to situations where I am under pressure no matter how well prepared I am - I tend to draw complete blanks - I might even forget my own birthdate if asked. Talking down to me and making me feel like an idiot isn't helping. So I've not been looking forward to this upcoming test, actually, I'll say that I am looking forward to it just being over.

This is my low point. Hopefully my confidence reveals itself again soon.